Ardleigh Green Cricket Club

 

                       

 

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Tour Diary

 

Day 1 - Off to a Flyer With a Dack Attack

Smudger arrived early n the morning to begin our pre-tour breakfast at Wetherspoon's in Hornchurch. The Trolleys , of course, were first to arrive but, surprisingly, The Trolley opted for the healthy option of orange juice whilst Smudger led Cockinson astray with a couple of ales. The large full English was sufficient for the needs of Fat Cas and the Duhig's made ab rare early morning excursion (minus Rob, still in bed).
There was a change of plan with insufficient time to get to Yarmouth races, leaving The Pg all on his own without even a betting slip. The King's Head had a decent garden and was the first major assembly point but a couple of pints saw an exodous in search of some less sour beer. Those from the Rainham area were less than enchanted with the prospect of a visit to the Cherry Tree opposite the hotel but, despite its appearance , some reasonable ale could be found. Not all tourists were in tune with Cockinson's selection on the juke box apart from the tribute to Paul 'Suggs' Sotton (Walking by CCS). MLS played some stirring stuff in the game of 'Killer Pool' following Hillsy's spectacular exit. A Dack attack followed in which Terrence blew everybody off the table aided by plenty of Kronenboufg.
The Pig had issued all tourists with their peg (to be kept with them at all times) but, sadly, numeracy is not his strong point and a journey to the pound shop is now required to top up supplies for the late arrivals.
And so to the Indian. Terry was now suffering reaction from his pool success and was found outside , on the step, feeling quite poorly. Tracey had to leave the restaurant and we now know that looks can't kill as he re-emerged for breakfast. Cockinson and the Pig managed to get served half an hour before the rest despit arriving some 45 minutes after them ( a point not lost on Pipey and the witch). A few night caps in the Cherry Tree and the Hotel bar saw a sound night's sleep (apart from the Pig's snoring).

 

Day 2 - Every Duhig Has It's Day

The tourists were at full strength on day 2 with Terry Dack returned to the land of the living albeit walking in ever decreasing circles in search of his phone. It was a long drive to Ingham where Norwich play and Pipey's suggested meeting place proved to be a bit up-market and so a better alternative was found several miles away where the Trolley found a soul mate. There was rain in the air as we arrived at the picturesque ground and Smudger lost the toss to condemn the tourists to an early fielding spell. Ali 'Gunner Gould' Horne and Paul 'White Trainers' Duhig were the umpires as the game started once Potter had been talked down from his spell on the roof. The Norwich openers pounced on some early wayward bowling from MLS and JD2, taking full advantage of the smaller boundary. A catch by Thomas Oakley ended the opening stand after which JD2 found a good line and not inconsiderable movement to take his first Michelle in senior cricket. James Haylett's driving had sent his father searching for a medicinal brandy but his bowling was less wayward in taking 3 wickets. Fat Cas was sacked from keeping wicket to be replaced by MLS and he was allowed to replace James Haylett in the attack. Norwich were in a sorry state but there was some resistance from the lower order whose number included Rob Duhig. Rob proceeded to beat his career best for the second time in 3 days until he was stumped off the wily Cas after a staggering stay at the crease. Potter launched himself into the first over before Matt Sutton got a golden duck n the next. Smudger played a couple of glorious off drives before rain drove the players from the field. The shower became torrential forcing the game to be abandoned. The fines ensued with several players being shown undue leniency. It was then back to Dereham to find a pub in which to watch Essex triumph in the T20.
 

Day 3 - Bertram Mills Circus

Wednesday began with a Texas Scramble, instigated by Ali Horne in the early hours, where the Trolley thought he was Pele much to the chagrin of the other players on the course whose ball he was kicking. A desperate call from Pipey, who found that the opposition would be much stronger than anticipated, led to a scramble for cricket gear amongst those selected. On being asked to bat, Potter rued his decision to stay up until 5 and was nowhere near making contact with his first 10 balls. He didn't take much longer to pass 50 in an innings that contained 6 fours and 6 sixes. You will be surprised to hear that Cockinson was a little more sedate at the other end. With the openers gone, there were good innings from Chris Haylett, Thomas Oakley, Smudger and Aaron Hills as the 40 over score passed 260.
Mattishall's reply began at a furious pace with an early finish in prospect. However Hillsy, yes Aaron Hills, removed both openers in an impressive opening spell. The Pig induced self destruction on a couple before Gaylett (J) was introduced to the attack. The overseas star was smarting from assault by Potter and launched James into the deep where Darren Mills was found loitering beneath the ball. The betting fraternity didn't offer much encouragement but the champagne moment duly arrived as he grasped the ball at the second attempt. The hosts were in big trouble but continued to go for the runs. They fell some 20 runs short with Darren adding a maiden wicket to his catch.
It is staggering to note that Julie Cason was still upright at this stage. Ali Horne arranged a trivia quiz with questions (and answers) of which only li is capable. Bones and Bambi arrived and may well be plunged into action on day 4.
 

Day 4 - I'm Still Standing

Those expecting Julie Cason to fall at the 4th at Fakenham were in for a shock as the tour ended its 4th day. The tourists were treated to a regal wave from carol Smith outside The Bull (no Pipey, not The Star) in the town whilst the artful dodgers in the party were causing havoc by relocating pegs. Bomber had joined the party as had Bones who made an impressive entrance in his newly created hat.
Matt Sutton kept his tour average up although he lastec a few more balls than in the previous game. Bomber, Chris Haylett (also a duck) and Smudger all fell far too early before the change bowlers arrived. Thomas Oakley and MLS repaired the damage in an excellent stand with Thomas scoring the only century of the tour. There was still time for Hillsy to get the third duck of the innings but 266 represented a reasonable challenge for the home side.
Fakenham's inning s began in similar fashion with James Duhig and Keith Mitchell taking early wickets. Terry Dack's week continued it's disastrous theme as he went round the ground after Bones had dropped a sitter. The home side were always up with the rate but finally ran out of wickets with less than 20 required.
Thanks to Pipey for his final tour. Ali Horne recounted many of his endless shaggy dog stories whilst a final rendition of Craven A was heard.
Clo Bow instigated a series of late night raids that saw The Pg and The Trolley cruelly exposed but she could not break The Panther's security system.

 

Day 5 - The Road Home

The final day of the tour saw a mid-morning departure from Dereham to play the game at Hockerill on the way home. The Trolleys departed early to go straight home but most of the party attended for some part of the game. A long delay in Brandon saw Smudger tempted to abandon ship on passing the local home brew establishment. There was a slight problem locating each other in the pub in Bishops Stortford after a less than friendly welcome in the designated hostelry. On arriving at the ground, the tourists were supplemented by some fresh faces from home. The newcomers did not make much impact at first as Green slipped to 29 fo3 before Cockinson (22) joined Short Shorts in a stand of 80 whilst Charley Smith wrapped up the shoulder championship. Aaron Hills continued to surprise everyone with an excellent 62 as the pair took the score to 232. Matt Sutton (119) completed his first century for the club before the declaration came at 248 for 6.
The spectators amongst the tourists departed at the tea interval and missed out on Hockerill making a fierce assault on the total. Sanders and Brady provided an excellent platform with 84 for the first wicket. Potter an Matt Simmons (2-29) applied the brake until Sanders launched into Potter, striking him for 22 in one over on his way to a splendid century. He was run out going for an optimistic second which virtually ended Hockerill's challenge before the last rites were played out with the farce of Bambi bowled an over that featured neither line nor length.
 

Epilogue - Travelling Light

The drama was not confined to Monday to Friday as it was discovered the James and Rob Duhig had managed to collect all their gear together and leave it at the hotel. Who knows what state it will be in after Ali Horne has collected it.